the happy ending : in search for

february, march, april and may didnt past by just like that. events had happen and hearts has been scratched so many times. it has been 12 years, 13 this year, things had happen, but the impact, only god knows how deep. its getting harder everyday, its hard to sit on it, its hard to keep silence on it, its hard to tell people about it, its hard to deal with it alone. its just hard. no one would have imagine, things would turn out to be like this. no one wants it to turn out like this, nobody. woke  up everyday doing this routine is a constant reminder of the hard part. constant reminder for me just to cry my heart out, because there is nothing in my power to change any single bit of it. nothing. just no, a big no. no matter how hard ive tried. see, hard everywhere. yes, nothing easy in this world, and bla bla bla. i get that. since 13 years ago. its nothing new actually, just the heart getting weaker and weaker everyday to deal with this shit.

in february, i did try to get out of the constant reminder, but it turns out, macam keluar mulut harimau, masuk mulut buaya. that incident in that month make me realise, yeah, i did lose my balance sometimes. i just cant think anymore. i just cant decide on my own anymore. no more courage to decide. no courage to do things. thats why i need the support system, my love ones. cut the story short, back to reality, back to the constant reminder.

as things happens. shit happens too.

adjusting the 3rd month of the year. adjusting. adjusting. fine a bit tuning here and there, and there goes another issue came in. the ultimate wedding. it was cancelled last minute, i still dont know why i feel sad at that time, and when the fate twist just like that in april, im still sad. yeah, the 3rd month revolve around that.

16th april 2011 : she supposed to get married at 11am. rain was so heavy, with all the traffic. god made us for not make it in time for the ceremony. what a way to show, how much we do 'like' the ceremony. the so called happy family for them, but not for us. we sisters and brothers, cried. we have learn to accept the fact, she getting married and all, but later the fact changed into a word spelled s.e.l.f.i.s.h.
21st april 2011: the day of bieber's concert, yeah, i went there, and it was raining and bla bla bla.
was the day since last ive met her.

and yeah i miss her.

a very long hiatus

HYE. a big warm hye to everybody.

ive been thinking to update, with lotsa lotsa love all around, time decide not to let me to.

just a short note, that im still here and alive.

ill update two month of activities and challengers, soon!

thelongLOSTmemories

a sudden urge.
force me to search you virtually.
im not missing you or anything, or im in denial.
its the sudden urge. blame on that.
i read your thoughts, byte by byte.
and it reminds me, the first very moment why did i do that in the first place.


and now i should be thankful or what?
be thankful that im no longer involve?
or be thankful, that youre once a memory?


memories, full of bitterness, its an excuse people called experience and bla bla bla.
and ya, now i know, im thankful for what ive done.


reading through a message send to me via fb, to iron things out,
i dont appreciate people who judge and assume.
i share with people whom i care enough to love.


"terima kasih atas persahabatan yg terjalin semasa di kmj dan akhirnya putus mcm tu sahaja ats sebab yg aku pun x tahu. dan tiba-tiba aku dgr kau merajuk dgn aku dan entah kenapa? dan aku pun xmahu tahu kenapa. yg aku tahu, aku juga terasa atas kekasaran kau. tapi malas nak fikir. sbb aku tahu kau mmg mcm tu. tapi x mengapa, terima kasih banyak-banyak. dan selamat berpuasa"


for what i know,
now im blessed. Thank You.

2011 to go!

one two...get set go!

I've always bubbling to my office mate that my biggest dream for 2011 is to bake a very good and yummy cupcakes of my own, ya, no kidding!

thats it. the only resolution of 2011. cool eh?

i have bigger dreams.

i want to be a professional architect.

as soon as i am ready with the minimum two years experience.

everyday, working hard (perah otak) to do my task. it has been a wonderful journey as to date.

everyday i had to face new challenges. face new task. new people. new environment.

everyday i grew up! yes, people. dont stop growing up and be matured.

a reminder to meself also.

to come along with my career is surely, to have my own family.

*let me keep the details of this dream to myself, and with me love*

then suddenly, Im not realizing the plan that HE already had for me, alhamdulillah.

sometimes i forget to count the blessings.

never ever forget to count your blessing people.

HE always know whats best for us.

*hey! am watching junior masterchef as am writing this!*

here it goes. my coming journey.

already full until august people!

its all already planned. i am so thank full of all this blessings.

the plans also includes my beloved ones.

everyone will change their status in their life.

wishing all their best.

as i am also moving on.

great things happening in 2011.

i dont need all list of resolution, as it comes to me like everyday!

*suddenly, a name pop-up in my mind, nama yang comel untuk baby girl*

hahahaha berangan tahap apa ni?

seriously, ada dua nama pop-up! and i merge the name with his name.

heheheh. gila berangan. serious cute.

siap cari meaning okay.

...................................................................................

ouh okkay...berangan tbc!

THE architect LIFE

done updating me life.

the architect life, so here we go.

after one, another one coming, that is proposal.

when im assigned to do proposal with the team, 

there will always time that we had to eat so much to gain energy *alasan*, and 

also the staying up late sampai moody.

but in the end, when the proposal is done, 

feeling superb like baru lepas buat bungee jumping, get it?

the on-going project, monitoring project *management*,

this one needs communication skills, dealing skills and 

also skill betulkan-drawing-macam-submission-was-semalam.

other else than that is kejar-kejar consultant, then tunggu kena kejar balik.

;P x nervous pun. *mode berlagak ni* haha

i had fun working. i want to be a professional architect as soon as i may sit for the exam.

wish me luck and luck people.

while im enjoying my journey here.

and how bout you?

did you all enjoy your working journey?

i wish you all, ALL THE BEST!

i-run-to-you

dedicated to mr. hafiz asu.

i run to you baby!

I run from hate, I run from prejudice

I run from pessimists, but I run too late

I run my life or is it running me, run from my past

I run too fast or too slow it seems

When lies become the truth

That's when I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster

Into a new disaster so I run to you, I run to you baby

When it all starts coming undone

Baby, you're the only one I run to, I run to you

We run on fumes, your life and mine

Like the sands of time slippin' right on through

And our love's the only truth

That's why I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster

Into a new disaster so I run to you, I run to you baby

When it all starts coming undone

Baby, you're the only one I run to, I run to you

Whoa, oh, I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster

Into a new disaster so I run to you, I run to you baby

When it all starts coming undone

Baby, you're the only one I run to, I run to you, I run to you, yeah

I always run to you

Run to you, run to you

dear love, first of all, thank you for all your time spend, thank you for all your dedication towards me and our relationship and our family. thank you ALLAH for all His blessings.

we had so much fun catching up with each other hectic life as an engineer+contractor+architect. *path that we choose and love*. its like meant to be. catching up memories, when i was not looking at you at school, when i was not replying any of your yearly calls, its a like miracle like now, we cant have each other apart like there is no tomorrow. 

....................................................................................................................................................................

let me continue this so called love letter soon... ;P

random-more-events

more randoms things to share here.

have been so occupied, with life and love.

alhamdulillah.

the perfect birthday give from loved ones.

................................................................................

heyya, ive been drafting this post since forever, like always.

one minute, i feel like updating then *poof* moody-tutup-laptop.

macam tu je my emotions can go up and down.

btw, this post supposedly meant to share my birthday month happiness.

sepanjang bulan dec, claimed to the bf that, it is mine, so whatever i do or want may be granted *demand-la-pulak*, tapi xde la sampai tahap mengada sangat ke ape. saje je nak namakan bulan tu, bulan kita, macam the bf demand bulan october bulan die :P

this year i celebrate my 24th birthday with  a lot of gift from the loved ones. really appreciated it you all,

along

mama

dina

hani

yaya

pakcu

aunty aishah

nenek

dihar (pending lagi ni ;P)

last but not least, hafiz sayang :)

these lovely people really made my day.

thank you all for all your love and support.

*eventho i think, only ili reads my blog*

hehehehe

syukur sangat. alhamdulillah.

part of december joy

the RANDOM thoughts and again

i want to be awesome, awesome.

is it that hard. when you need to say and wallla u got to be awesome.

hey, its not easy.

get back to real life please?

whats up with me? 

i think its because, (please stop thinking once in a while ey?)

when people questioning my way. my own way dealing with me life.

its not that im always think im right. people cant question me at all. no its not that.

people just have to get it that i have my own way to achieve things in life. they cant question me on how i would do it until i reach the ending. can you just please be happy with me at the end of the tunnel?

i do include certain people in the journey. we collide and must move in parallel way, perpendicular collision just met at an intersection, once. i don't want that.

*terasa perlu jalan bongkok perlahan lahan sambil nangis jalan perlahan lahan menuju ke bucu dinding bilik and stay there, until my love come and hug me tightly, says that everything will be alright without knowing what is that everything*

the 100th post : my+love+joy

L.O.V.E. + J.O.Y

day four : two smileys that describe your life right now

<^_^ > < ^_^>

day three : a photo of a place that you like to eat.

its here.

need i say more? with my obsession? i miss you jcool :D

lovelyCOUSINSaidiladhacelebration

*lovely*

MISI LAIN.

misi 30 hari nampaknya terkubur sebentar.
ada misi 30 hari yang lain.
iaitu menyediakan lukisan untuk submit D.O.
timeline nya 30 hari juga.
ok. bye.

eh hye, bye :D

day two: a photo of something you ate today.

i didnt not have time and discipline to update on time. boo!

the image explain them self. 

day one : a photo of yourself and a description of how your day was?

received this photo today  from a dear friend who we had dinner with last sunday ;)

its from her camera phone.

i purposely captured this right after she held me her phone to took her picture.

hee hee hee

being chicky, as always.

im so in love.

with this picture also. there's a smile that i hardly remember how to do it sometimes.

thank you, love.

and yeah, description of how was my day?

do you want to know the ending first?

my day starts early at home having breakfast alone.

peace.

then head to the office.

been busy handling drawings and calls.

suddenly its the evening already.

went to the clinic with bf, he is been sick since sunday :(

force him to eat something since he is not been eating since morning.

then back to the office.

here i am.

while waiting for printing.

my body, is tired. but heart and mind are free and happy eventho with tonnes of work.

alhamdulillah, im blessed.

may we all be bless, friends ;)

the MISSION after a long hiatus ;P

got this thing from SHAHIRA and it tempted me do it also because i almost forget that i have a blog? 

hee hee hee

pagi JUMAAT

SALAM
dengan harapan hari ini, semua nya dapat memulakan hari dengan indah.

its been a long silence since last i wrote.
konflik diri, mungkin.

i miss writing
as much as i miss my other half,
as much as i miss family time,
as much as i miss my best friend,
as much as i miss me time,
as much as i miss the blue sky,
as much as i miss the beach,
as much as i miss my memories...

missing means love. as simple as that, is it?
love it or some one, then you going to miss them.
its a beautiful feeling though.

terfikir semasa perjalanan ke pejabat dalam ten minutes ago,
apa yang aku minum setiap pagi akan menentukan mood aku sepanjang hari.
serious berbeza.
ini experiment kepada diri sendiri je la.

pagi minum kopi hitam : jadi hyper, ptg jadi grumpy and anxious
pagi minum pearl kacip fatimah : paginya bersemangat buat kerja pun laju je, bila petang, badan mula lemah
pagi minum milo panas : perut  sedap sepanjang hari, u noe what i mean
pagi jumaat ni, try minum cold chocholate milk pula, we will see later ;)

bagaimana dengan perkermbangan kerja anda cik? (soalan pada diri sendiri)

makin sibuk menguruskan 3 projek yang berjalan secara seiringan.
perlu pandai mengimbangkan masa dan emosi untuk bekerja.
its a bit hard for me to control my emotions la.
im too involve with my own feelings. ayin needs to learn more.
my learning process is widely ranging day by day.
alhamdulillah, this is the way He shows me to do, ill do my very best.
if not, long ago, He will not gave me this path to be choosen.
Alhamdulillah.


No matter how tired you are, if you love your job or what you are doing, later on, you'll be rewarded, in such a way that even you cant imagine. Insyaallah.


happy feelings everyone!

p/s
* share your happiness with me everyday ait?. ill share every second of it syg *
really made my day. thank you dear.

kambing la golek~

...........................................................................

till later yo! ;P

the GRADUATE ARCHITECT and everything in between.

Today i am going to talk about me life as an graduate architect.

its not as glamorous as people would think we might be.

its a journey to more glory days.

a journey where i might fall, fall and fall again, but going up and high to the sky.

there's no need to count days where i might be doing something else other than work. i enjoyed it till the last moment. the pressure is superb. yeah, really. 

tomorrow we will start revising on what we are going through for the whole next year and year after to prepare ourselves for the part 3 exam. some people might say, its to soon. but when is not too soon? its the journey people. journey : joy is a part of JOurneY. ;D

lebih kurang macam itulah impian.

apa yang aku nak merepek ya hari ni?

dah lama x menulis sebenarnya. lebih menghayati kehidupan realiti yang semakin indah pada hari mendatang.

wah. serious indah perasaan sekarang, if only i could share it with everyone, i will.

random.

pagi tadi semasa perjalanan ke pejabat, elok elok pasang cd lagu nasihat...everyone pun tahu die sedang naik sekarang, malas nak mention kat sini. sejujurnya, selepas hampir beratus kali mendengar lagu yang sama, aku tersentuh perasaan, rindu pada yang SATU. jarang sekali hadir perasaan begini, aku RINDU untuk merasa tenang selepas aku sujud padaMU. aku RINDU kenikmatan aku bersabar dan kurang beremosi pada tika itu. 

YA ALLAH. indahnya perasaan yang engkau berikan padaku. aku bersyukur. alhamdulillah.

random saturday.

macam dalam drama. theres a bitch, tears, and the aftermath. LOL. 

malas nak cakap banyak pasal ni, aku redha je, sebab memang banyak orang yang tak ada life sendiri, then nak menyibuk hal orang lain. contohnya life aku. best sangat kan sampai kau tak de kerja lain nak mengata aku je kan? alhamdulillah. im blessed. why dont you try and find bless? you might be happy too. aku doakan kau bahagia dan jumpa kedamaian dalam hati kau, aku ikhlas ni. :) semua orang berhak untuk merasa gembira , cuma perlu pandai mencari jalan yang betul untuk memilih kebahagiaan masing masing yang telah tertulis. its a fair world. percayalah.

haish. haish.

apa lah yang dibebelkan ni kan?

mana pix segala benda happy yang berlaku? *dalam laptop kat rumah*

mungkin dah lupa dah simpan dalam folder apa. LOL.

random *en hafiz ^_^*

selalu dipesan oleh yang disayang dan menyayangi, en hafiz.

jangan makan banyak benda masam. sebab nanti selalu lupa.

perkara yang paling selalu lupa ialah, letak kunci kereta kat mana.

nasib baik tak lupa rumah kat mana. hehehe.

tapi kalau macam 51st date tu kan comel, hari hari nak kena remind, pastu saya akan jadi blur ;P

tapi kan en hafiz, macam mana nak buat, suka sangat saya ni makan benda masam.

ada saying yang cakap, makan benda masam nanti bila dah kawen, pregnant senang dapat anak boy. hoh. i like. hahah! *ayat penyedap hati nak sangat makan benda masam*

*selingan*

berseorangan di office ni, macam macam bunyik la pulak*

en hafiz ialah punca penyebab kehidupan saya semakin indah dan penuh dengan aktiviti yang mengembirakan hati dan minda. alhamdulillah.

random *perasaan selepas convocation*

as i said before, the joy is in the journey people!

the whole think and thin 5 years of studying architecture and the whole 5 month waiting for graduation day is greater than the day of the convocation itself.

ya, i get to see friends and took colorful pictures, but deep down inside my heart, there's a box where all the memories should be kept and i have to move on with my life towards a betterment.

yang lama jangan dikenang. simpan jauh jauh dalam hati. DEEP.

sebak juga bila menyanyikan lagu UTM buat kali kedua dan terakhir.

the very moment that i enjoyed is when all the bubbles and balloons like literally fall from the sky :D

THINGS TO BE SETTLE BEFORE END OF OCTOBER.

pergi pejabat cidb. marah dorang sebab asyik salah eja nama.

pergi tanya soalan soalan di kaunter PTPTN.

pergi bayar saman POLIS kat jalan bandar, kot.

pergi hantar borang registration LAM.

semuanya melibatkan pergi dan duit, no wonder, aku macam malas nak fikir semua ni. HAHAHAH!

live a blessed life people! ;)