the happy ending : in search for

february, march, april and may didnt past by just like that. events had happen and hearts has been scratched so many times. it has been 12 years, 13 this year, things had happen, but the impact, only god knows how deep. its getting harder everyday, its hard to sit on it, its hard to keep silence on it, its hard to tell people about it, its hard to deal with it alone. its just hard. no one would have imagine, things would turn out to be like this. no one wants it to turn out like this, nobody. woke  up everyday doing this routine is a constant reminder of the hard part. constant reminder for me just to cry my heart out, because there is nothing in my power to change any single bit of it. nothing. just no, a big no. no matter how hard ive tried. see, hard everywhere. yes, nothing easy in this world, and bla bla bla. i get that. since 13 years ago. its nothing new actually, just the heart getting weaker and weaker everyday to deal with this shit.

in february, i did try to get out of the constant reminder, but it turns out, macam keluar mulut harimau, masuk mulut buaya. that incident in that month make me realise, yeah, i did lose my balance sometimes. i just cant think anymore. i just cant decide on my own anymore. no more courage to decide. no courage to do things. thats why i need the support system, my love ones. cut the story short, back to reality, back to the constant reminder.

as things happens. shit happens too.

adjusting the 3rd month of the year. adjusting. adjusting. fine a bit tuning here and there, and there goes another issue came in. the ultimate wedding. it was cancelled last minute, i still dont know why i feel sad at that time, and when the fate twist just like that in april, im still sad. yeah, the 3rd month revolve around that.

16th april 2011 : she supposed to get married at 11am. rain was so heavy, with all the traffic. god made us for not make it in time for the ceremony. what a way to show, how much we do 'like' the ceremony. the so called happy family for them, but not for us. we sisters and brothers, cried. we have learn to accept the fact, she getting married and all, but later the fact changed into a word spelled s.e.l.f.i.s.h.
21st april 2011: the day of bieber's concert, yeah, i went there, and it was raining and bla bla bla.
was the day since last ive met her.

and yeah i miss her.